Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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