I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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