her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
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