If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
