soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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