So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
