wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
