she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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