I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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