I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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