sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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