im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
