I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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