btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We left the knife in your bed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize