Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You've changed since you got that strap on
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
