How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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