this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She even gives head with a lisp.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
