I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
