she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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