His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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