Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
