so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
