No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
