I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
