There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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