im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
