but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
