I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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