As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
