I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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