the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
