If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
