The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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