you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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