Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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