do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
