i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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