cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize