What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
