Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
