Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
