..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
