i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
