so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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