My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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