Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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