I'm lost and stupid without you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
