I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
