i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
