I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
