she woke up with a sticky ear
one might say we're banned from that church
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
