I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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