i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
