Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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