i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
