YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
