see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
