Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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