Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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