i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
