NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
