I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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