I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
