mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
