I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
