im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
