when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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