Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
