The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
