Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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