his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
