finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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