i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
