We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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