There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
