I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
