I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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