if you like me you must not know who I am
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
