Are we in a gay sports bar?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
