hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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