He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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