I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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