do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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