Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's official drugs can't kill me
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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