youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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