they need to just BURY HIM!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
