I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
