How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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