I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
