I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
