No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
