Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
