So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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