Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
