I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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